Speed Bump

Yup. Still fat.

Ugh, I'm so in love.  Must resist.

I guess I was hoping that working out every day and eating right would be making this whole thing go faster. Or maybe I was feeling slumpish and wanted to dig my way out of it by shopping through my closet for fun fall things, hoping to find some forgotten pieces would fit. Alas, they still don't. To lament the fact that most of my wardrobe remains ill-fitting and squeezes me in all the wrong places, I switched to coveting shoes instead. It's fall, I deserve boots, no?

slumpish [sluhm-pish]: adjective. The feeling one gets when in a slump, stuck in a rut, dug in a hole or has otherwise lost momentum.

Actually, I don't really feel that way when it comes to FitAnniversary.  For the most part, things in the food-n-exercise department are going fairly well.  But I may have overestimated how many problems can be solved with being more healthy on a regular basis. As if solving the problem of being overweight and out of shape works as a panacea for the rest of the crap in my life. Low and behold, there remain many things that need my attention and not enough hours in the day to address them all.

Something that I am classically not very good at is enjoying the present moment. It's not a very attractive quality, and I am fully aware of it. Especially because I often tout the benefits of remaining present with my clients. But it's hard for me to live that way, especially when things are unpleasant, stymied or anxiety-producing.  I find myself searching for a fast-forward button to get past the unpleasantness (sidenote: I think the advent of DVR has made me considerably worse at this. Perhaps commercials are the universe's way helping me practice patience).

Let's fast forward to the part where I am thin and have an internship.

At one point I had a supervisor who, while totally harmless, was not the most likable person. He would pretend he was a man of modern medicine, but really he was a huge Gestalt hippy at heart. Which of course, made him kinda weird in our books. One of his oft- (over?) used favorite interventions/implorartions was to chant "Be here now" with various tones and inflections.

BE. Here, now.
Be here now.
Be here, now.

We as a group would shrug off this statement as a relic of his training, but there is something to be said for the combination of those three little words. The invitation, or command, to let go of all else in favor of what is happening in front of you. Right here, right now. This idea stands in stark contrast to my desire go fast forward through less desirable portions of my life. Which, let's face it, are a big part of this whole "living on earth" business. On the opposite end of this spectrum is the unrealistic desire to capture and keep those moments which I do enjoy or are going well. Part of the problem with taking pictures at a party, despite my love for capturing people, moods and moments on film. But there is a part, however small or unconscious, that wants to keep this forever. The trick about time is that it just keeps going, unfettered and unbidden by our human desires to speed it up or slow it down. And in that sense, what else is there to do but to be here now?

Here's to living in the present moment: fat, slumpish or otherwise.