Petulance and Purgatory

Much of my mental state at the moment can be summed up in this statement:

I don't wanna.

How I feel...often.

I don't wanna eat right. I don't wanna exercise. I don't wanna do laundry. I don't wanna clean the house. I don't want to write notes.  I don't want to sit at the computer doing the job I get paid to do. And I certainly don't wanna keep WAITING.

Recognizing the wisdom in all the standard adages about patience (good things come to those who wait, a watched pot never boils, etc), this particular brand of suspense has run it's course. When you get down to it, I've been waiting for the next phase of my life to start for a year now. And I am soooo over it.

The lovely C pointed out (as she is an excellent therapist and an even better friend) that in a mere 10 days, some big changes will be set in motion. And at this point, I have absolutely no control over them. In mere months I will move to an entirely new part of the country - alone. I will have to leave the strong supports with which I have been blessed here Baltimore. And. For the first time in my career I will have the opportunity to do what I love every day. I will considerably expand my knowledge, skills and network, setting the tone for the next phase of my career. February 22, 2013 and all the machinations set in motion by it will be thrilling, and bittersweet in some real ways. And it cannot come soon enough.

After two solid days of tantrums unbecoming of a grown ass woman, I was inspired/guilted into some exercise by friends near and far. I ran jogged for 3ish miles, then indulged in a very belated issue of Vogue on the stationary bike for 4ish miles. And as much as I hated it, as much as I still feel whiny and annoyed by the state of my life as it stands at the moment, the movement felt good. Plus it gave me the willpower to drive past the pizza place in favor of healthier (and, frankly, yummier) leftovers at home.

Small victory for today, but! it's better than pouting and wishing for things to be different. Ain't nobody got time for that.