The girl on the 'mill next to mine

I fell off the treadmill and wrote a poem about it. Read at your own risk.



I've bitched about you before
The co ed in gym-short couture
The girl whose motives to work out
Are (I assume) to be asked out
By the Neanderthal meathead next door

An apology may be misplaced;
The dark thoughts thunk while attempting to pace
Your long, easy strides
Whatever slights I've sent your way
Weren't heard by you per se
But received karmically

Because tonight
After a willful exercise hiatus
I moved my feet
Tried to keep the beat
Of each sugary, rampant pop mistress
(And I was doing alright,
I might add)

When it came time for my heart rate to slow
An unbeknownst, unexpected shit show:
My shoe caught the edge
Of the moving 'mill ledge
Try as I might to hang on -
Down I go

Sheeek squeak, thump thump, oomf ugh.
Skinned knees
Flushed face
Hurt pride
Certainly not how I planned for my evening to go

Thank god the gym was empty
Thank god twas the end of the night
Thank god no one was watching --
"Are you ok?? Thank god you're alright!"

Though grateful for the would-be nurse
(Met with silent ridicule would've been much worse)
I feel a fool, embarrassed, irritated
No to mention fat, clumsy, inundated
With negative appraisals
Of my slow, clumsy self
"S'what I get for trying, right?
Overrated."

"Oh no! It happens to everyone -
Been there once recently, hun.
But I'm glad you're ok -
It's not always that way:
Last time I seriously fucked up my knee."

Having already been on the floor
And feeling just slightly more
Bolstered by this kind young thing
I picked myself up
And teeteringly put up
With the remainder of the workout routine.

None of it was pretty
And yet was pretty clear:
It's better by far
To let help and kindness
Thaw my once immovable blindness
To the value of a decent chick
in (slightly) expensive kicks

This is not what I looked like. But day-um.

housed on the 'mill next to mine