Breaking the Locks

As you may have figured from my blog absence, there was some falling-off-the-wagon that extended far beyond what was necessary or reasonable in the weeks and months leading up to and after the daunting Match Day.

Firstly, I am thrilled to report that I was matched to my first choice program for internship. !!! I don't need to tell you how amazing this is. There has been an abundance of screaming, crying, jumping, wooting, toasting regarding this event.  The aftermath has been replete with processing what this means for me, my education, my marriage, my career, and, you know, my life. NBD. (cue internal freakout)

I've done a lot of thinking about what this year has been like; what it's led to and what I had to work through, move past and let go of to get to where I am now. As well as the incredible support I have from SO MANY PEOPLE. It's truly astounding. 

The best analogy for this journey that I have come up with thusfar hearkens back to my childhood growing up in Michigan. On the border between Michigan and Canada, there is an engineering wonder called the Soo (or Sault) Locks, which allows ships, boats and other water transportation vessels to safely traverse the falls of the St. Mary's river to get from Lake Superior to Lake Huron. The way I understand it (and keep in mind that this is coming from the memory of my Michigan geography and history class in 5th grade), a boat sails into the locks and is safely barricaded into a temporary dam while water is pumped in or out (depending on the direction you're headed), to match the waterline of the part of the river where you are going. 

So. You sail your little ship along. You have a direction, a purpose, and idea of where you're headed and why. To get there, you must go through the locks - a piece of machinery that is both helpful and imperfect, and largely operated by outside forces that you just have to trust while they have you in their midst. You sail into the locks, ensure that all your gauges and levers are set to safely stand by while machinations work around you. There's only so much you can do to govern your little ship while the locks do their thing; mostly you have to sit tight. The water slowly pours in. You wait. Then, once the waterline in the locks matches that of the body outside, the locks open and you are free to sail. Onward.

Onward, indeed.

Waiting for the water to level out in these metaphorical locks of my life has resulted in a number of reallygood and notsogood things about this past year, a bunch of which you lucky (read: patient) readers have observed me tangling with here. Despite our lofty aspirations for Fit Anniversary, the holding pattern has not always created the motivation or environment for new fitness commitments to be wildly successful. At least in my part and particularly before and after (dun dun duunnn) Match Day, I have been stuck and stubborn about losing weight and getting healthy. The time lost being stuck and stubborn may mean that we may not reach our exact goal by our fifth wedding anniversary, which while disappointing, is also understandable. Luckily, the proverbial release into the next phase of life has spurred some exciting changes in the Fit Anniversary department. Bottom line: We are sick of being fat. Like, for realsies. I know I'm over it. And so far, the newest reset has been working great. Down 2.0 lbs at my weigh in yesterday, and that was the first time I've seen a downward number in a while. Feeling good about this week too. J is down about 3 lbs too. RIGHT?! YEAH! (that was my game face, can't you tell internet?)  Let's do the damn thing.

Here's our updated plan for Fit Anniversary reset:

1. Accept that we (J and myself) lose weight in completely different ways.  This is an unfortunate truth for a few reasons.  When I was growing up, eating together was the norm in my house. Most nights we would share a meal, update each other one what was happening in our respective lives, hear stories, tell jokes, fight about politics and plan ways to solve the world's problems. For me, preparing and sharing a meal is a big part of how I show people that I love them, and carves out time for us to be together in a relatively distraction-free context. At the moment our dining room is a pit of chaos from an increasingly dismal pantry project, making it difficult impossible to eat at the table.  I recognize this as a solvable problem. The less solvable problem is that if J used up his points on lunch, he'll have a bowl of cereal or yogurt for dinner. That doesn't work for me. Additionally, what healthful dish I might make for dinner usual leaves J noting the lack of fat or presence of vegetables in whatever I've prepared. In theory, we could eat our respective meals together, yes. But it does make me a little sad that he probably wouldn't eat the vegetarian shepherd's pie that the amazing A shared with me last night.
   
2. ACTUALLY track what we eat. This is hard for both of us. But it's also key, and I know that. Sometimes it's difficult to accept the points values of what we love to consume. Like beer. I love beer. This weekend was St. Patrick's Day - the worldwide international holiday of beer-drinking. And I tracked every one of those suckers I slurped. And it was repugnant. (feel free to insert your own fun words for absolutely atrocious and disgusting)
   
3. Reduce carb intake.  This is just for me. And believe me, I know this sounds like an obvious solution. But I love carbs. And if I'm not careful, I'll have oatmeal for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch and potatoes with dinner. This is not a sustainable weight loss strategy for moi, even if I track it all. So! The goal is to eat carbs only once per day, and (with the exception of St. Patty's), I've been able to do that. If I have a veggie-filled soup in the crock pot for dinner, maybe I'll have cereal for breakfast. If I know I'm going over to a friend's for dinner and there's likely to be carbs served, I'll hold off on eating any during the day. Or if I really want popcorn (and I LOVE me some popcorn), I'll save all my carbs for my favorite snack.
   
4. Activity is activity. Previously, I had convinced myself that if it didn't happen with my tennis shoes on, it didn't count.  And then I would feel guilty about not getting to the gym and be less likely to take smaller steps in the activity department. With the encouragement of the dharma-licious D, in this iteration of the Fit Anniversary reset I'm trying to walk as much as possible. The other night when the beloved Bs invited us over for dinner, we walked, which was a little over a mile both ways. When J and I needed ingredients for dinner we took the 15 minute walk to the grocery store instead of popping over in the car. Takes a little more time, but it's been really nice to be out in the neighborhood, getting some fresh air and catching up with each other about the ins and outs of our days. I guess you could say it's been our replacement dinner table for the time being. :)

So there you have it folks. We are unsticking ourselves. We are back on track and trying to be accountable. Life is about to get crazy, what with moving to Georgia in (counting on my fingers) three-ish months and getting ready to start my life as a psychology resident on internship.  It's gonna be a wild ride.